The A.C.T.S. of Prayer

When we first learn to pray, we often spend most of the time asking for things from God for others and ourselves. This skews the perspective of prayer so that it is focused on ourselves or the human element rather than God. This leads to what I call small prayers and squelches faith.

I have found that most Christians pray like a machine gun. They take aim at God and pull the trigger, launching a spray of bullet-prayers, hoping against hope that one of the prayers will make it to God’s ear and get an answer.

Then, when they have tried this enough times and have nothing to show for it, they give up. Their faith is defeated.

This is because they are praying the WRONG way!

God’s Word does not teach us to spray our prayers or beg. (And, contrary to popular misconceptions, intercession is not begging.) He teaches us to listen to God’s heart and then pray God’s heart.

Here is what really should happen:

God places a desire in our hearts for something. Then His grace starts to reel that desire closer to Himself. This awakens the desire in our hearts. As we draw near to God, we can begin to see that this desire is God’s desire. Then, if we ask for it, we are guaranteed an answer. He, after all, placed it there!

Or, we draw near to God and ask Him what is on His heart. He reveals something to us (a stranger we met who is in need, someone at church who needs healing, etc.). We ask Him what He wants to do in that situation. Then we wait. We wait for an answer to what God wants to do. When He reveals His heart for the situation, we can ask for it. We are guaranteed an answer. He, after all, said He wanted it to happen!

Did you notice that prayer has more to do with listening to God’s heart than speaking? With this key thought in mind, spend time with your children in each of the following categories of prayer:

1. A – Adoration & Praise: I recommend putting on some music without words. Then, spend a few moments with your children silently thinking about what God has given you, done for you, and promised you. Let authentic, passionate praise bubble up from deep within. Dance a little. Sing a little. Do whatever it takes to take your focus off yourselves and put it squarely on the God we serve. Authenticity is the goal.
   
2. C – Confession: When we look at how holy God is, we can be reminded of how short we fall. Authentic praise often leads to confession of how much we need Him, how much we desire His change, and how we have fallen – but are confident of His loving-kindness. Guide praise into confession of who He is and how much you and your children need Him. Then give confess how you have fallen short in your own life recently. (Make sure it is something the kids know about and can handle, like losing your temper.) Then accept God’s forgiveness and thank Him for it.
   
   Note: Do not worry about losing your children’s respect – this will not happen. You will gain their respect and they will be confident that you are really who you say you are and God is who you say He is.
   
   After they have heard you lead by example, let them spontaneously share where they have gone wrong. Do not force it. Let it come naturally. If one of your children resists, pray for God to soften their hearts. He will do so. Transparency before God and others is the goal.
   
3. T – Thanksgiving: Thanking God for his mercy and forgiveness can lead into gratefulness for all the things He has done and promised to do. Spend some time being verbally thankful to God for your children and the futures He has promised for them. Demonstrate to your children true thankfulness – let yourself feel thankful. Then, give them time to do the same.
   
   Note: Pay attention to what they put on their “Thankful List”. Watch how it will mature and grow from “thank you for my teddy bear” to “thank you for changing my heart and making me love my brother more” to “thank you for helping me to know what’s right even when my friends do wrong.”
   
4. S – Supplication: Do not be deterred by the big word. It means, “To ask.” It will be your task to make sure this portion of prayer time is spent more on others than themselves.
   
   Teach them to ask for their needs – and their wants – but always teach them to recognize that God is our Provider and has never let us be in need. (Even in the midst of asking, we are grateful that He already knows what we need and has always made provision.) When they ask for something, make sure they are surrendered to letting God answer however He desires. You will want to make sure they stay away from manipulative prayer (which never works and is evil). Guide them to surrender the very thing they are asking for, teaching them that desiring God’s will is better than life. Then, spend some time listening to what God says about their request.
   
   Teach them to spend more time asking for others’ needs than their own. If someone is sick, ask them to listen to the heart of God for scriptures, answers for the particular situation, or what they should ask God to do. Then, make sure to ask in full authority, knowing that God has commissioned you and your children to ask specifically and believe with faith for that very thing. Write it down and continue to pray for it until God releases you from it. Make sure to explain when God releases you from praying for the item, you can leave it up to God and not worry about the answer. The proverbial ball is in His court now.
   
   Note: What if God does not answer? This is surely the greatest fear of every Christian who steps out in faith. To face that fear in front of your children is not an easy task. I encourage you to build up your faith by tucking scripture about who God is and what He promises into your heart. You faith will grow. If you face a situation in which you all felt God said to pray for something and it did not happen…teach your children that we are tools for God to use to accomplish His plan. He is responsible for getting His plan fulfilled. We are only commissioned to pray, not to fully understand His plan. We can rest in peace knowing that we are obedient and that God is in charge.

Two Last Things…

Note how your children gravitate to one type of prayer over another. Encourage them to do all of the above, but you will see from this trend where their gifts/strengths lie. Make plans to build their strengths by giving them books, teachings, scriptures, and role models in certain areas of prayer.

Also, use intercession as an opportunity to teach persistence – a trait they will need later in real life. Encourage them to be persistent in their prayers for someone else if they have not heard and answer from God (He will ALWAYS answer) or if they do not feel released to stop praying.

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Learning to Pray

When Jesus taught the disciples to pray, He gave us what we now call the Lord’s Prayer. It’s still the most perfect example of what our prayers should be like. However, you and I may have memorized it in an older translation with “thee’s” and “thou’s” that your kids will not be able to understand.

Below is the Message Bible’s translation – I think it’s ever so much more interesting and active!

“My Father in Heaven, reveal who You are, set the world right; do what’s best, as above, so below; keep us alive with three square meals; keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others; keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You’re in charge – you can do anything you want. You’re a blazing beauty. Yes, yes, yes.” (Matthew 6:9-13 and Luke 11:2-4)

I recommend having your older children memorize it in the above version and condensing it for your younger children. After memorizing it, have them substitute or translate the verse into their own language. They will never forget it.

Here is how to break it down to teach them how their prayers should follow the main gist of the Lord’s Prayer:

1. Addressing Him
2. Praising Him
3. Surrendering our will
4. Asking for our needs (and being honest about wants)
5. Asking for forgiveness (if needed) and forgiving others (if the opportunity arises)
6. Ask for help to live Christian walk and become like Jesus
7. Worship Him because He can do everything and anything!

If you can teach them to follow the above outline, they will be able to build a rich robust prayer life centered on the simple prayer Jesus gave us.

Teaching Children to Pray (Several Phases)

Teaching children to pray and to make prayer apart of their lives cannot be started too early! A daily devotional can be a difficult task for an adult to establish, but much easier for children. I have broken down this topic into several phases, each containing an object for the lesson.

Phase III - Daily Devotional (Starting Small)

In phase one of Teaching Children to Pray, children begin to learn to listen to God. In phase two, parents continue to direct children to ask God questions and listen to answers. To further teach this lesson, parents should show their children how to have a daily devotional. I have included some suggestions and thoughts for succeeding in this important step in our Christian walk with God.

Provide a nook or special spot for each child to go to meet with God. Explain that while God is with us always - and wants us to pray to Him continuously, it is also good for our spirits to grow by spending special time with Him.

• (For boys) You can compare it to a special workout...most of the day we are doing tasks that by their nature strengthen us and help us burn fat/calories (picking up the toys, playing games, washing dishes, etc.). But, to get really strong and healthy, we have to make sure we set aside a special "workout" time to focus entirely on building strength. In much the same way, we need to spend special time with God to focus on certain challenges, hear His voice without distraction, spend time in worship, and asking for Him to help others.
  
• (For girls) You can also compare it to getting dressed up for a special date with God. All day long, we are spending time with Him, learning about His creation, how much He loves us, and what He wants us to do when we grow up. But, God wants us to also spend some special one-on-one time with Him, cleaning our hearts in repentance, telling Him how much we love Him, and receiving all the beautiful things He wants to say to us.

Impress upon the children that their daily time with God is an appointment with Him and should be respected. (And you will probably need to make room in the family schedule to respect it.) When they make a promise to meet with Him daily, at that time, He promises to be there. When they do not show up, He still shows up...and waits. This will impress their soft hearts with the great love God has for us - He wants to be with us so badly that He WAITS for us, when we do not show up!

Let them pick out a journal and pen that will be specially designated for their thoughts and time with God. Teach them to write prayers and note how God answers them. This will motivate them to pray because of their developing relationship and the RESULTS they can see recorded. Their faith that God cares specifically about them and their issues will grow.

Later, in Phase IV, you can teach them how to pray.

Teaching Children to Pray (Several Phases)

Teaching children to pray and to make prayer apart of their lives cannot be started too early! A daily devotional can be a difficult task for an adult to establish, but much easier for children. I have broken down this topic into several phases, each containing an object for the lesson.

Phase II - Listening to God

In phase one of Teaching Children to Pray, children begin to learn to listen to God. To further teach the lesson, you will need to continue to direct them to ask God questions and listen to answers.

Many times, as adults, we pray as if we are machine guns...we ask for this, this, this, this and that. We don't stop to WAIT for an answer from God or to receive His heart on the matter we present. In our busy schedules, we hope that one of our prayers reaches God's ears and He answers. To counter this bad habit, you can teach your children to wait on God's answer - whether it's an immediate response or takes much longer.

Note: I have encountered people who do not believe God speaks to us or doubt that He intends to answer our prayers. If you are one of these people, I recommend reading E. M. Bounds on prayer. Here's a quote:

"Christians must get ahold of this one thing: that God means for prayer to have an answer!"

If that doesn't convince you, I recommend using the object lesson below as a test. When you see God answer your prayers, you will change your mind. :)

Object: Family Prayer Journal

Take time each week to pray and listen together. Write down the prayers that need God's provision or answer. Then, spend time reading passages about God as He reveals Himself as our Provider (Moses, Abraham, Noah, David, Esther, etc.). Discuss why God desired to answer their prayers:

1. Did He call them to do the impossible and want to step in to make the impossible happen?
2. Were they desperate?
3. What did they do to hear God's answer? (Fast, get alone, etc.)

After reading the examples, take time to actually do at least one of the examples. Schedule a fast. Schedule time for each child to get alone with God to hear specifically what God has to say about the situation. Then, make sure to get together later that week to discuss what God has said. Ask them "What's God's heart for this situation?" "What does God want you to do or say?"

As parents, you will need to remind them that:

• God always lines His answers up with the Bible
• God never tells us to be disobedient from our parents or other authorities
• God's answer is always loving, even if it disciplines us

After time has passed, you and your children will be able to look back through the journal to find out how God has answered prayers. This will increase your faith, sharpen your hearing, and teach you and your children to hear quickly. That is, after all, the goal - to hear and obey God quickly for every situation as it arises. The habit you are trying to develop is to help your children turn to God immediately for answers to situations that require quick answers, to obey instantly, and to know that God is always ready with His answers.

For those items that require time and patience for an answer, you are also helping them develop patience, perseverance, and faith that God will eventually answer in His perfect timing. The skill to discern between a situation that requires a quick response and a situation that requires patience will take time to develop but will be invaluable when they face tests at school, trials as they grow into adulthood, and moral dillemmas in life.

More than all else...remember to pray for God to increase their curiosity about Him and His holy things.

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P.S.: Several people have commented to me about these posts. If you have a comment, I would love it if you would share it with everyone here.

Teaching Children to Pray (Several Phases)

Teaching children to pray and to make prayer apart of their lives cannot be started too early! A daily devotional can be a difficult task for an adult to establish, but much easier for children. I have broken down this topic into several phases, each containing an object for the lesson.

Phase I - Childlike Faith

This first phase can be taught to children as soon as they are able to lose items and feel the distress associated with losing them.

Object: The object for this phase is actually a teachable moment when your child loses something that should be recovered.

When the child comes to you about the lost item, immediately respond by telling them to ask God to show them where the item is. Explain that God knows everything, sees everything, and care about them enough to care about even this lost item.

Note: If you are not quite sure God cares about lost items, try it yourself, first. When He answers miraculously, you will have your proof!

After they pray, tell them to pause and listen for a few moments (listen with them) or spend some quiet time listening to where God says to look. (This may take practice - after all, the key to listening to God is practice.)

If an answer doesn't come right away, tell them to go about their business, but keep sensitive to strange/silly ideas of where to look or go or things to do. Explain that these are often God prompting us to go down a path to find the lost item(s).

Lesson: When the item is found, take a moment to discuss the entire situation and make sure they understand how God led them to the lost item(s). This re-cap will teach them which inner voice is their own and which is God's voice. This listening and obeying is a habit that they will find crucial as they begin to grow up. Your proactive example will teach them to direct their requests to God, first. It will also teach them to rely on God's direction and discern what God's voice is saying to them.

Final Note: Depending on the maturity of your child, you may have to discuss what God's voice sounds like, what God will and won't tell us to do (such as to disobey our parents, etc.).

Lesson: God's Attention to the Unseen

The purpose of this lesson is to teach the concept that God sees the unseen and appreciates the unappreciated. It also teaches that God created things in creation for us to enjoy and to point us to enjoying Him. As a by-product, it also leaves an impression that God sees the good and bad that go unseen by others.

Object: Medium to large leaf from a tree


On a walk or after playing with your children in the backyard, take a moment (a quiet one, free from distractions) to teach them this quick, simple lesson about God and His attention to what goes unnoticed, unseen, or unappreciated by us.

Take a medium to large leaf from a tree and pass it around, face up. Ask your children if they have ever walked on leaves. Ask them if they have stopped to look at each one. (Of course, the answer is that they have walked on them without noticing or appreciating them.)

Explain that we all do this – we all take things for granted and forget to appreciate them.

Emphasize that God is different! He notices each leaf and He designed it before it grew on the tree.

Now show them the back of the leaf. Point out the beautiful, intricate design of the veins of the leaf. Hold it up to the light. Spend time talking with them about how detailed it is – far more detailed then the prettiest things humans can make.

Then emphasize how God cares about the back of the leaves – the very ones we walk on without noticing or appreciating. He cared about them so much that He purposely hid the prettiest part on the hidden side of the leaf – like a jewel to be found!

End the lesson time with the following:

• The Bible teaches that creation displays God’s glorious nature for us to see – if we are willing to stop and see. He put them there, hoping we would stop and enjoy them. He does this because He loves us.
• Most of the time, these are simple things and taken for granted. But God sees the unseen and unappreciated. He appreciates them – actually, He revels in them!
• He sees what we do – the good and the bad. He appreciates the good things we do, even if no one else does. He enjoys even the simple things we do for others. (Matt. 6:5-7)
• And, He loves it when we stop and appreciate the good things others have done or made – even the backs of leaves!

Expanding Our Children's Capacity for God

This is the first lesson I created. It is more for the parents, than it is for the children. I recommend reading this lesson first, since it is the basis for all other lessons.

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I have heard it said that it is impractical for Christians to live in God's presence, all day, every day. I have heard sayings such as "Don't be so heavenly-minded that you are no earthly good." I find these directions disturbing. They are not what I want my children to learn.

A. W. Tozer talks about how Satan wants us to separate our lives into two parts: Religious Duties and The Rest of Our Life. This separation ensures that we live in a constant state of disappointment and a feeling that we are not doing the noble things God has called us to do.

I believe it is immanently practical to live in God's presence, regardless of what we are doing - eating or sleeping, playing or working. (I Cor. 10:31) Here is my counter to the above fallacies:

1. We must consider our purpose. What is our purpose? The Bible says we were created to worship (glorify) Him. So, I ask these questions: Is this worship experience supposed to be something we conjure out of our own selves? Does it originate in us and is it maintained by our own power?
   
   The answer to each question above is "No!" First, the Bible teaches us that we do not have the power to originate or maintain worship, in and of ourselves. Everything we attempt on our own is filthy and could never be elevated to something as glorious as worship!
   
   Therefore, it must originate and be maintained by Someone outside of ourselves.
   
   
2. What, then, is God's purpose? (To understand the Created One's purpose, we must understand the Creator's reason for creating us.)
   
   God's purpose, if you will, is to be continually, eternally pouring out Himself - His character, His essence, and His nature.
   
   Since His purpose is to give, He made a vessel to receive. We are made to receive God as He imparts Himself. In turn - and in gratefulness - we return to Him worship. We enjoy His display, we revel in His presence, and we GLORIFY Him.
   
   Note: If you have trouble with visualizing the above, just look at your children's display of enjoyment in the things or time you give them. If you have trouble with the concept that God wants you to enjoy Him, contact me and I will direct you to more scriptures on this subject.
   
   “I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth-everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." - Isaiah 43:6-7
   
   So, then, our purpose is to spend the rest of our lives passionately glorifying God by enjoying and displaying His excellent in all spheres of our life.
   
   “The purpose of Creation is that God may communicate happiness to the creature; for if God created the world that He may be glorified in the creature, he created it that they might rejoice in his glory; for we have shown that they are the same.” -Jonathan Edwards

Summary:

Each time we allow ourselves to be filled with His presence, we expand our capacity to contain His presence. We, as vessels made to receive, expand in our capacity to receive.

Understand that the things we do – the actions or inaction we take – directly affect the size of our hearts and our capacity to receive Him. Like Mr. Grinch in the Dr. Seuss story, our hearts can shrink and our capacity to care diminishes. The more time we spend with God, the more our hearts expand and our capacity to share Him expands with it.

I believe the reason we cannot stay long in His presence is precisely because we have not been in His presence long! Perhaps the reason for people feeling it is impractical to stay in God’s presence is that we are like distracted children who have not been taught the discipline of staying.

I believe the spiritual malaise found in American Christians today would be cured with more time in His presence, all day, every day.

Then, like Mr. Grinch, our hearts might “grow two sizes” that day.